If you remember, back in 2015, the ladies were going crazy about a movie called 50 Shades of Grey. Ever wondered why?
Besides the dashingly handsome billionaire star and his boyish charm, the only thing the movie offered was a fast-paced love story and sex. Lot’s of it.
But that wasn’t any ordinary sex. It had something that many women seem to love: Dominance!
If your sex life could use a bit of spice, or if you just feel like switching things up a bit, then you should try out some BDSM. That stands for Bondage, Dominance/Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.
Let’s leave the sadism and masochism out of it for a bit, and put the bondage to the side. Let’s talk about the dominance & submission roles many people don’t even realize they’re playing in the bedroom.
We’ll give you the inside scoop on how to be more dominant in bed to drive any woman crazy!
What is Sexual Dominance?
Sexual dominance is all about taking charge and being in control.
Think of sexual dominance like a car. Everyone arrives at the destination, but there’s only one driver. The driver decides the route, and the passenger sits back and enjoys the ride. The passenger (or passengers if you’re that lucky) gets in the car willingly and relinquishes all control, trusting the driver to get him/her to the destination safely.
Rules of Dominance
There are many misconceptions about how to be more dominant in bed. One of the most common ones is that it always involves whips, cuffs, and pain. That’s not true. Also, dominance in bed is not about being mean, cruel, or abusive.
There are many different levels of dominance and chances are, you’ve explored a few of them before. However far you decide to go, keep these things in mind:
The first rule of dominance is getting consent. Without consent, what you are doing is wrong and can cause mental or physical harm to your partner.
With that being said, if you want to learn how to be more dominant in bed with your partner, talk about it.
This way, she won’t be alarmed by you randomly pushing her against the wall one day and holding her by her neck. Just imagine how scary that could be, especially if you are much larger than her.
Getting consent is important as it helps to build trust and establish boundaries.
Having content doesn’t mean you are free to do any and everything with/to your partner. Everyone has a limit to what they’re comfortable with. Dominance in the bedroom can turn from fun and erotic, to unpleasant and embarrassing very quickly without setting boundaries.
When you get consent from your partner, engage her in a discussion about things she considers off-limits. Ask her specific questions about things you want to try. For instance, if you want to try butt play, you should definitely mention it beforehand. If you are interested in spanking or dirty talk, find out if she is comfortable with it.
Next, come up with a safe word. There’s no way she can predict everything that will happen during sex, and there may be a few things you forgot to mention. The safe word shouldn’t be each other’s names since that can get pretty confusing during sex. Try something you wouldn’t usually say during sex, like ‘rainbow’, or ‘sunflower’.
It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, while enjoying yourself, but pay attention to your partner. She should be enjoying herself as well, and any indication of discomfort, displeasure, or even boredom is a sign that you should stop.
5-Step Guide on How to Be More Dominant in Bed
Now that we’ve got the basics covered, it’s time to get down to business!
Here’s a 5-step guide on how to be more dominant in bed:
It starts in her mind
Sex starts in the mind, and so does dominance. This means you have to be more assertive in your daily life and take charge. Think of it as pre-foreplay.
A good way to start is by getting her sexy clothes you want her to wear around the house, or some lingerie. Most women pick their own lingerie, but choosing for her can be a turn-on. Just say something like “Put this on now”, or “Wear this later”. Notice that you did not ask her to. This is dominance 😉
If she’s out, or at work, let her know that at the end of the day she’s all yours through text, or with a whisper in her ear. That will really get her going, and you won’t have to lay a finger on her yet.
Women like confident body language from men. Show no signs of nervousness, or weakness.
Stand up tall, speak firmly, and make direct eye contact. Do not stutter when you speak or ask for permission. This doesn’t mean that you should be mean or forceful, but don’t be too much of a gentleman.
Be mildly aggressive during foreplay
Dominant foreplay is all about what you want, and what you’re into.
If you prefer to watch, instruct her to remove her clothes and stimulate you, or herself. If you like being hands-on, then press her against the wall or throw her onto the bed (without hurting her of course). Hold her tightly, tell her not to move, and pull off her clothes.
Should your partner be responsive to your mild aggressive foreplay then you can turn it up a notch! Remember you control the pace which therefore reinforces you being in the driver’s seat! You’re in control!
Take matters into your hands
Your dominant actions can simply mean that you’re on top the majority of the time or giving her instructions. Or you can take it up a notch with some dirty talk. The right words will turn her on, and make her submit fully.
Try saying things like “Don’t make a sound”, “You’ve been a bad girl” or “Get on your knees.” When she does the right thing, follow it up with “That’s a good girl” or “I didn’t say you could stop”.
Hair pulling is very arousing for some women, and it’s a way to show that you’re in control. Grab her hair in a ponytail, close to the root and pull her hair towards you, firmly, without causing pain.
You can also try some spanking. Start lightly, then make your taps slightly more intense each time to figure out the right way to do it for her. If it hurts too much, try squeezing and mild groping.
Choking is another option if you’ve discussed it beforehand. You can also try some light bondage, such as tying her arms above her head with your shirt or using a scarf to tie her limbs to the bed frame.
Have you ever heard of edging? Well, it’s basically bringing your partner to the brink of an orgasm, then stopping suddenly, and repeating. The purpose of this is to give her a more powerful orgasm.
Edging is a great way to show dominance. It lets her know that you are in charge of her orgasm. This will make her beg you for it, proving just how in control you are.
Just don’t overdo it. Too much edging can make her frustrated and ruin the moment.
Sexual dominance is all about taking control in the bedroom. If you want to learn how to be more dominant in bed, you have to respect the rules of dominance, i.e getting consent, setting boundaries, and paying attention.
Practice being dominant the next time you have sex by stimulating her mind and being confident. Take control during foreplay and be mildly aggressive to get her going. When it’s time for sex, take matters into your own hands and edge her a little for an explosive orgasm.
Thank me later! 😉
To stay updated on everything happening in men’s style/lifestyle, street culture & music follow @heartafact on Instagram