Now here you are faced with the age-old question: How many dates before sex?
For some people, it has to be at least three dates, hence the phrase “the three-date rule”. For others, it’s the 90-day rule that Steve Harvey introduced in his book “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”.
It’s obvious that you aren’t sold on these ideas, or else you wouldn’t have literally typed in “How many dates before sex”. Maybe you think it should happen sooner, or perhaps much later.
Do you want the truth? The truth is we all think differently, so opinions will ultimately differ. This is why these conversations are so important so that no one feels pressured, or worse ashamed.
So, how many dates before sex?
Does it matter?
Maybe you don’t think much of it, but in a society where women are judged harshly based on their sexual “exploits”, it does matter.
You already know all the cruel names given to women who are comfortable with their sexuality, so we won’t waste time getting into all of that. Instead, we’ll clarify the importance.
Look, we’re all adults here and we all have different needs. When we click, we click, and when we don’t, we just don’t. Some of us choose to express that physically, as it is in our nature, and others prefer to wait. That doesn’t mean that one person is better or worse than the other.
There’s this silly analogy that misogynists use that clearly displays the double standards women endure in society. It goes something like “Why would anyone want a door that opens to many keys?”. The door in this sense refers to the private parts of a woman, and the key refers to that of a man.
In the same breath, they joke about having a master key that can open many doors. To think sexuality can be compared to locks and keys is a silly notion, especially when these locks on these doors are seen as “broken”.
We, the sensible folk know that vaginas are among the strongest organs in the body. The fact that an entire human being can be transported through it, and it bounces back in no time is amazing! How on earth would a measly “key” do any damage or diminish its value?
Is The 3 Date Rule Still A Thing?
In a day and age where right swipes on dating apps mean you’re DTF (Google it), you might ask yourself if the three-date rule is even still a thing.
Groupon wondered this same thing and a study of 2000 US adults suggests that maybe it’s not as popular as it was 20 years ago. It was discovered that the majority of the men in the focus group thought that date five or more was the most appropriate time to initiate sex. On the other hand, women agreed that date nine was most appropriate.
Less than 40% of participants agreed with the three-date rule, of that number, 30% were men and only 8% were women.
When asked about sleeping together on the first date, 10% of participants gave it the thumbs up, of which 9% were men and 1% were women.
Perhaps they were being modest for the interviewer, as that is a limitation of many studies of this nature, but based on this evidence, we can conclude that it still is a thing for many, and not so much for others.
This study also revealed something else that you may find surprising. Nearly half of the participants in this survey won’t even kiss on the first date, while 39% are willing to do so if it went well.
Only 17% of the participants admitted they always kiss on the first date.
Does this mean that everyone is waiting for more dates before being intimate in any way?
What are other people saying?
Groupon wasn’t the only one to ask these questions. A much larger study was conducted by the Journal of Sex Research.
Here, they approached a little under 11,000 persons in unmarried, romantic relationships and posed the question to them. The majority of the participants had been in their relationship for over a year, and 93% of them have had sex with their partners.
Of the 93%, a little over half of them started having sex after a few weeks into their relationship. 38% of them had sex on the first date or within the first couple of weeks, while the rest had sex before they even went on their first date.
When asked if they were satisfied with their decision and their relationship, nearly all responses were positive.
Some respondents who had sex earlier in the relationship expressed a decline in passion and excitement, but that isn’t a deal-breaker. These feelings can easily be remedied by spicing things up and putting more effort into it.
So what does this all mean?
Based on the findings of the Groupon study, we can conclude that the majority of persons prefer to wait.
This was also reflected in the study by the Journal of Sex Research. However, this still doesn’t the question of how many dates before sex.
Does that mean that the people who didn’t wait are promiscuous and will not have healthy relationships?
Not at all. In some cases, persons click right away, have sex after only a couple of dates, and have long meaningful relationships. Others wait a very long time, and when they finally engage in sexual acts, they end up dissatisfied.
It all depends on the point you are in your life and how comfortable you are with the person.
Men are usually ready at any point
Another thing the Groupon study revealed was that men were twice as likely and more eager to kiss on the first date, while only 3% of women initiate the first kiss. Additionally, the younger the person is, the more likely the date will end in at least a kiss.
It’s a popular stereotype that men are usually ready at any point, but it is more often than not true. Regardless of if they initiated it or not, the thought had likely crossed their mind. Does that mean women aren’t DTF? Not at all.
It’s your job to take the lead, demonstrate assertiveness, and control the frame. This should greatly increase the chances of an early hookup. While women are the last line of defense and ultimately the decision-makers as to whether you’re going to have sex, you need to do everything not to fuck it up. Be suggestive, but never aggressive.
You’re not a h*e if you sleep together on the first date
It’s 2020 and slut-shaming isn’t cool anymore. Whatever a woman decides to do with her body is ultimately up to her. Sleeping with him on the first date doesn’t make you a hoe, nor does sleeping with him on the tenth date make you a saint.
Do not let society dictate your desires and how you choose to live your life. Men are not mind readers. If you want to do it but show no signs, you’ll end up just as disappointed as him.
Protect yourself
In all things, protect yourself. If you know you aren’t the type to give up the goodies on the first date, do not feel pressured to do so by anyone at all. And, if you are the type, enjoy yourself. Life is short!
Just remember condoms for first-time hookups, and clear conversations about boundaries, and especially STDs. You may end up in a long term relationship, or you may never speak again. It’s all a part of the dating game.
Final Verdict
So, how many dates before sex? The answer is: There is no right answer.
As extensive as these studies may have been, they are inconclusive. Ultimately, it is a matter of opinions and we’ll have to agree to disagree.
3 dates, 90 days, an entire year, or right away, it’s all up to you and the vibe you get from him/her.
Once sex is on the cards! Its about seduction, charm & performance, therefore its best you study our how to be more dominant in Bed editorial.
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