For most people, the idea of going out alone can be quite intimidating, awkward & daunting, however with the right perspective and preparation this pursuit can be very liberating and fulfilling which ultimately will improve your social skills & state of independence.
At Heartafact we believe going out alone should be a common practice and life skill to be mastered. While were aware that most people find this idea absurd our comfort level system will challenge the social norms whilst providing examples of the different activities that can be explored alone dependent on your comfort level.
Benefits of going out alone
There are multiple benefits to going out alone which we have enlisted below!
State of Independence – Your state of independence begins to form as you practice going out alone! As human beings were wired instinctively to being social creatures which is why we attend activities as a group or at minimum with another person. Going out alone will allow you to make your own decisions, be decisive & think for yourself!
Improved Social Skills – Going out alone will deliberately mean placing yourself outside of your comfort zone which will force you to interact and improve your social skills! Your social interactions will exposure you to meet people, make new friends, create beneficial scenarios all the while reinforcing your ability to problem solve in new situations and environments.
Spontaneous Lifestyle – As your confidence and state of independence begin to grow you will find yourself becoming more adventurous and spontaneous. The ability to move around freely at any given time is available to you. Don’t like the current bar your sat in? Go to another one, Simple! The limitations placed on you to move freely when in a group don’t exist when your alone! You are free to do what you want!
Opportunity to learn about yourself – One of the main benefits to going out solo is the opportunity to learn about yourself more. Learning about yourself should be a lifelong pursuit and one that is easily accomplished when alone.
You will be surprised to know just how good you are at yoga or how much you love Thai food. This can only be possible once you free yourself from mental barriers as to why you can’t be alone but embrace the challenges.
If none of the above reasons convince you to go out alone, this reason should!
Disadvantages of going out alone
While we don’t want to place too much emphasis on the negative factors of going out alone, we must also address the problems you may face and how to overcome them.
Fear – The biggest reason people aren’t willing to move around independently is due to fear. The fear associated to this activity is connected to the risk of not being able to meet new people or have a good time alone.
As humans were very good at creating excuses for ourselves in order to remain in our comfort zone. This act exposes us to face our fears and do something different.
Solution: The solution to these fears is to take small steps which don’t require much effort or social interaction in the beginning stages. For example, your first solo trip could involve a trip to the cinema.
Our comfort level system below details the best activities to start with based on your comfortability.
Feeling like a social Outcast – It is possible to feel like a social outcast even when we’ve deliberately have made a conscious choice to go out solo!
Its common and quite often the case that as we begin to enjoy our own company negative thoughts begin to take over our mind with things such as “ I’m only here because I don’t have friends to join me “ or “ My social life sucks, I’m a loser”
Solution: As these feelings begin to arise its important to remind yourself that your alone as a result of making a conscious decision and not because you have been rejected elsewhere.
Also, use this as an opportunity to socialize with other people to further prove to yourself that you can be alone and meet new people!
Having to explain why your Alone – As if walking up to strangers wasn’t intimidating enough in the first place, the possibility of being asked why your alone is something that could happen which may signal to them a lack of social life or no friends.
This can limit your interactions with people forcing you to stay within your safe confined space. This is a reasonable problem to have thought about as people in public spaces will assume your with company.
Solution: Having an abundance mindset is the solution to this problem and here’s what we mean. As you socialize with people some may reject you for this reason as there put off, having an abundance mindset means this won’t bother you and another group of people won’t care so you move on.
We believe that through your confidence and an abundance mindset you will signal through your behaviour and body language that what your doing is not unusual, and people will accept and follow suit.
The Different Levels
Our comfort level system has been designed in order to suggest solo activities appropriate for your comfort level.
Beginner – This is for individuals who haven’t experienced going out alone due to internal fear, society conditioning or preferring to stay within the confines of their comfort zone.
Intermediate – This is for individuals who have experienced going out alone on some level but wanting more of a challenge! Willing to challenge themselves within reason!
Advanced – This is for individuals who don’t have fear of new experiences, looking for new opportunities and constantly go out alone as they enjoy their own company!
Identify the level which best aligns with yourself and comfort as we have suggested activities for each stage below.
Our comfort level system will ensure the best starting point for going out Alone
3 Beginner activities to do (Movies, Meet ups, Coffee Shops)
Movies – Visiting the cinema alone won’t require much social interaction which is why this is the perfect starting point for you. All you will need to do is get out the house and buy your ticket. People at the venue are not concerned about your presence so there should be minimal anxiety about this. Once the lights come off everyone’s focus is on the screen, not you!
Meet Ups – Websites such as meetup.com or Eventbrite allow you to attend events and social gatherings around your local area based on your hobbies and interests. As someone who is not used to going out alone this will be a great opportunity to meet people who share the same passion and hobbies as you do. While being amongst others could be intimidating, the fact that your coming together under similar interest should make you more comfortable within social settings.
Coffee Shops – Today many coffee shops around the world offer free access to internet wifi for customers, encouraging people to work on personal projects or business. This is a great reference point for someone wanting to go out alone. Start by getting yourself used to the idea of getting out once a week to a local coffee shop and clear emails and do some work. Make friends with the staff and allow yourself to be comfortable with different environments.
As a beginning doing activities by myself may seem awkward, however, with time your mind will begin to find these activities normal.
3 Intermediate things to do (Restaurants/Busy Bars/Events)
Restaurants – While restaurant tables are usually filled with a minimum of 2 people whether that be friends, family or individuals having meetings, today it has become normal to witness individuals at tables alone which should set the tone for you.
To be able to execute this you need to get rid of the stigma and mindset which is that people who sit at restaurants alone are sad or losers, the reality is they don’t care about others opinions and are there to enjoy a meal. Once you take on this mindset you will be able to enjoy meals regardless as to whether you have company or not.
Hotel Bars – From my personal experience hotel bars are a good place to start as the staff are generally friendly and open to a conversation. While most bars are great for an individual on the intermediate level, we feel that hotel bars get you prepped well for the city bars as these are busier.
Pick 1 or 2 bars, visit them regularly, tip the bar staff and be friendly, this will result into building relationships with the staff which should get you feeling confident about the night moving forward! The idea is to use these bars as your training ground before you enter busy nightclubs.
Events – Events are constantly taking place whether it be a private or public function and is a great opportunity to be apart of something. Events can range from,
- Live Events (Sports/Podcasts)
- Charity Event
All the above options can be attended alone and is quite commonly the case with regards to seminars and workshops!
If your wanting to distress, learn a skill or trade or simply for entertainment find a suitable one, book it and go.
3 Advanced things to do (Clubs, Festivals, New town)
Club – As you progress out of the intermediate level into the advance zone its time to accept real challenges which for most people will be a solo nightclub trip. Will you feel intimidated by this, of course? Which is why we structured busy bars as an intermediate level task to get you warmed up.
To fully eradicate your fears, ensure all prep is done before hand such as ensuring your dressed nice, well groomed, showered, use a complimentary aftershave, & visit a bar beforehand. All of this should build confidence before entering a nightclub.
Whilst in the nightclub try not to overthink about being there alone, these thoughts only tend to multiply and destroy your confidence which inevitably will ruin your night.
Focus your mind on the fact that you’re here to have a good time and enjoy the music. People in groups are there for the same reason as you!
Festivals – Orchestrating a successful festival experience will mean prior planning must take place. Research the music being played, check the weather, organize travel and accommodation, ensure you have enough cash & most importantly go with the mindset that you are going to have a great time.
Completely curating your experience for a successful outcome is the only thing you should focus on! People have attended festivals alone, so why can’t you? In fact, there are many benefits to this such as, freedom to view other stages and music acts, you don’t lose any friends in the crowd and can leave when you wish.
Ticket master have created 11 tips when going to a Music Festival Alone.
New Town/Cities – Once the mental barriers associated with going out alone are removed from your mind one of the best investments you will make for yourself is making solo trips to new countries, cities, and towns.
As people we become accustom to our routine and lifestyle which can limit us to seeing other parts of the world. Whether it’s a new city within the country or internationally. travelling to gain new experiences is something you will never regret.
Visiting new cities will spark your creativity, give you a peace of mind, improve communication skills, develop new memories, boost your confidence & educate yourself on other cultures and traditions.
The idea of wanting you to go out alone is to no longer be held back by the influence of others. Regardless as to whether friends choose to join you the bottom line is your going!
The world is a big place to explore and we want you to see and do as much as possible. We aren’t pushing you to be a loner, in fact we encourage you to connect and make friends along the way for a more pleasurable experience.
As you gain confidence through your experience the most valuable thing you will gain is the state of independence. Which will allow you to DO regardless of any external factors!
Once it’s in your head it’s getting done! We want you to adopt an abundance mindset and live life on your own terms.
To stay updated on everything happening in men’s style/lifestyle, street culture & music follow @heartafact on Instagram